Alone or Lonely?

Being a new widow is, of course, an experience that we want to never happen but is almost inevitable.
It wasn't a choice we made but rather it is something that happens without our consent or willingness.
I have a daily meditation book that was given to me by my daughter-in-law entitled, Days of Healing Days of Joy and is intended for the adult children that have lost a parent.  The messages in the book could and should be read by anyone that has lost someone very close whether a parent, a spouse, a child. 

In today's message it talks about loneliness and that it is up to each of us to open ourselves to the world and make sure that we are approachable.  That could be difficult for some of us, especially if we are natural introverts.  Being approachable is something that has always frightened me, it forces you to be open to dangers, hurts, generally unsafe and unsecured situations.  It can put you in a corner with no escape, it sets you in scenarios not of your choosing; scary, very scary to some of us.

I have gotten better through the years and can now attend functions alone, but only with the knowledge that I know at least 1 or 2 people that will be there.  The easiest is going to eat alone or going to the movie alone because you don't have to interact with anyone except employees and you're probably better off, safer, if you don't interact with anyone in those circumstances.


Being alone is far different from being lonely.  I have never felt lonely, forlorn.  I hope I don't ever start to feel lonely or forlorn, but if I do then I pray I will recognize it and take measures to handle it.  I have, however, felt extreme 'aloneness' twice in my lifetime.  The first was in 1967, Don was in Vietnam and I flew to Chicago to attend the wedding of his brother, Dick.  Don has a party-happy family and they all wanted to make me feel welcome and to have a good time.  But, at that reception of about 200 people. I had never felt so alone, so naked, so lost.  I wanted my Donald with me.

I have a loving family, some great friends, so feeling lonely isn't something I experience.  But, since Don passed on to be with God, I do have periods of feeling 'alone'.  Times when I know it would be so much more pleasant if Don were sitting next to me or walking beside me.  I have two cousins that are both over 60, have never been married or had a significant other, and have a happy wonderful life.  I believe that the loss of my soulmate doesn't make me lonely but will always leave me an occasional feeling of 'aloneness' and just a little sad that we couldn't go on to experience a few more adventures together.

Father, grant me the knowledge that "because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives, all fear is gone".  Let me show your love and acceptance to those around me.  Amen.

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