The Celebration Has To Wait

It has been a seemingly long 6 weeks since Don went home to be at peace with God.  His absence has been a real test for me personally.  We had an oxygen concentrator in the house that ran continually and made noises that sounded something like a 5 second whoosh and then a thump.  This noise became a background sound that I just got use to and went on with each day not paying attention to it any longer.
Well, now that machine is gone along with just regular daily sounds from another person sharing your space and I am hearing noises day and night.  I hear every little time the refrigerator does something, the house creaks from the change in temperature or from the wind or whatever.

After the first 3-4 weeks I started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and I felt that I was going to be able to wrap my head around the finances, house/car maintenance, etc.  I was starting to think that I could set myself on a path to being an active widow for years to come.  I mean I had decided I was going to start a walking program and walk my first 5k this fall.  But...apparently I have yet another test to take.

Last week I had my 5 yr cancer CT scan and had geared myself for a celebration.  Passing 5 yrs. is a big milestone for a cancer survivor and I had been looking forward to this for several months.  That same afternoon, the phone rang and the minute I heard my doctor's voice I knew the celebration would have to wait.  The radiologist had found a 2cm tumor on my liver. 

I wear my Livestrong band continually and have for about 4 yrs., convinced that a good attitude will carry me through any problem and I so believe that.  In all honesty, after I listened to what my doctor said, I hung up the phone and had a 5 hr pity-party.  But that's over now and what lies ahead won't be pleasant but it will be necessary.  I spend much of my time keeping the tears under control but it does seem harder now that Don is gone.  Don was my rock, he was my anchor, he made me strong.  Yes, my God is the root of those attributes but Don was the one that I could physically lean on for support.  I don't relish going through this ordeal without him by my side.  But...I know he's watching me and cheering me onward.

Lord, thank you for wrapping your arms around Don and welcoming him home.  Bless my family and friends that they will have happy healthy days ahead.  I ask for your blessing of healing and comfort and grant me a long life.  All things are possible through You and your will be done.  Amen.

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