When Does Grieving Begin

A few years ago my dear husband, Don, started having some health issues that seemed minor yet bothersome.  The doctors did some testing and found a couple of issues that required attention, medication, and intermittent monitoring.  About 18 to 24 months ago these same health issues caused a couple of bouts that required hospitalization and treatments.  Then about 12 months ago all of the issues raised their ugly heads at about the same time and have wreaked havoc with my husbands well-being ever since.

We have seen many doctors, we have travelled to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, dear hubby has truly been poked and prodded from head to toe.  A cause for Don's health decline can not be found so the doctors are left with the only option of treating his symptoms and trying to make him comfortable.

Although I have watched my darling spouse try to remain positive, and chipper, and calm, I have also watched him become emaciated, pallid, breathless, weak, dependent.

A few days ago Don's doctor told us it was time to think about Don's at-home care, that it was important that end-of-life issues are discussed and decided upon.  While it isn't known what has caused Don's health to decline so rapidly, it also isn't know how fast it will continue to take it's toll.  The doctor, whom we have known quite well for about 12-13 years, wants us to be prepared whether it's a couple of months or a couple of years.

I have been doing a lot of crying in these last 3 days and I realize that some of that is stress and some is part of the grieving process.  As a retired Registered Nurse, I knew what was inevitable but when faced with a reality such as this, I think I am first and foremost a wife and mother.  We have been married for almost 46 years and our two lives are so tightly entwined that it's hard to get an actual handle on all the various issues that must be addressed in the coming weeks, as well as, maintain a positive, peaceful, and pleasant presence along with the various levels of nursing that will need to be added to the homemaking chores. 

So...that's why I ask the question 'when does the grieving begin'?  It may have started many months ago when the health issues started and the RN side was realizing in the very back recesses of my soul that yes this is not going to go well.  Did it start months ago as Don kept losing weight and losing weight regardless of how much he ate or what he ate. 

The word "grief" has several meanings but the only one that I can relate to is sadness.
The sadness began several months ago and will continue.  I have had a few talks with God and He has assured me that I will have the strength to get through this and He will be standing next to me through it all.  Praise the Lord.