How Do I Move On?

It's been about 2 1/2 years since my dear Donald passed away late one night.  Am I suppose to be over all the despair and sadness that started that night?  Should I now be a happy, forward-looking, positive widow that's enjoying her daily routines? 

For the past 18 months I've been joining other widows/widowers at a support group.  As a group we have many of the same concerns and feelings, while at the same time, we all have some different thoughts about where we are in our grieving process.  At our gatherings, we share and listen to longtime members that lost their loved one 8-10 yrs ago, and to new members that have recently lost someone.  All of our members are 'mature' people that have lost a spouse; there is one exception, a lady that lost her very special sister .

I enjoy being with all of these people, both women and men, because I can be just as upbeat and positive or as sad and heartbroken as I feel.  I am becoming friends with a couple of the widows, both are a few years younger than me, but we seem to get along well and understand each other.  Just recently one of them, Trish, joined me in trying our hand at playing bingo at the American Legion.  We had a good time, had some laughs.  But then, as we said goodbye, we looked at each other and knew that feeling of going home to a house without our loved one waiting for our return.

There's a dilemma that I don't know what to do about and just might bring it up at our next gathering.  I'm finding that all the music that I dearly love to listen to brings back so many sweet memories and makes me cry...sometimes just heart wrenching bawling.  Do I have to stop listening to music?  I'm crying while I type this.  I'm tired of crying.  I can't seem to move on. 

I don't really cook anymore other than veggies or grains, maybe a piece of meat in the oven now and then.  I don't clean my house very often; there's no reason, really.  I eat out once or twice a week, take myself to a movie once in awhile; haven't even been going to church but once or twice a month.  I read a lot, play computer games, watch TV in the evenings, take a walk a couple times a week.  I am keeping up with the laundry!  Whoopee!

It isn't just being alone...I want my Donald back!!! 

Now...after 15 minutes of hard crying, I realize that maybe I'm just now going through the anger part of grieving.  As these tears run down my cheek and I can barely see the monitor screen,  I'm wondering if I've ever really allowed myself to fully grieve.  Putting this down in black and white just might help, but I just don't know how to move on.  I know my health will suffer if I don't get a grip, but I'm tired of all this.

Is the President Incompetent or Lawless?

Is the President Incompetent or Lawless?

By Judge Andrew P. Napolitano

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | It has been well established under the Constitution and throughout our history that the president's job as the chief federal law enforcement officer permits him to put his ideological stamp on the nature of the work done by the executive branch. The courts have characterized this stamp as "discretion."

 

Thus when exercising their discretion, some presidents veer toward authority, others toward freedom. John Adams prosecuted a congressman whose criticism brought him into disrepute, an act protected by the First Amendment yet punishable under the Alien and Sedition Acts, and Thomas Jefferson declined to enforce the Acts because they punished speech, and pardoned all those convicted. Jimmy Carter asserted vast federal regulatory authority over the trucking and airline industries, and Ronald Reagan undid nearly all of it.

 

The president has discretion to adapt law enforcement to the needs of the times and to his reading of the wishes of the American people. Yet that discretion has a serious and mandatory guiding light — namely, that the president will do so faithfully.

The word "faithfully" appears in the oath of office that is administered to every president. The reason for its use is to assure Americans that their wishes for government behavior, as manifested in written law, would be carried out even if the president personally disagrees with the laws he swore to enforce.

 

This has not always worked as planned. President George W. Bush once famously signed into law a statute prohibiting federal agents without a search warrant from reading mail sent to persons other than themselves — and as he was literally holding his pen, he stated he had no intention of enforcing it. That was a rejection of his presidential duties and a violation of his oath.

 

But today, President Obama has taken the concept of discretion and so distorted it, and has taken the obligation of faithful enforcement and so rejected it, that his job as chief law enforcer has become one of incompetent madness or chief lawbreaker. Time after time, in areas as disparate as civil liberties, immigration, foreign affairs and health care, the president has demonstrated a propensity for rejecting his oath and doing damage to our fabric of liberty that cannot easily be undone by a successor.

Item: He has permitted unconstitutional and unbridled spying on all Americans all the time, and he has dispatched his agents to lie and mislead the American people and their elected representatives in Congress about it. This has resulted in a federal culture in which the supposed servants of the people have become our permanent and intimate monitors and squealers on what they observe.

 

Item: He has permitted illegal immigrants to remain here and continue to break the law, and he has instructed them on how to get away with it. His encouragement has resulted in the flood of tens of thousands of foreign unaccompanied children being pushed across our borders. This has resulted in culture shock to children now used as political pawns, the impairment of their lives and the imposition of grievous financial burdens upon local and state governments.

 

Item: His agents fomented a revolution in Libya that resulted in the murder of that country's leader, the killing of the U.S. ambassador and the evacuation of the U.S. embassy. His agents fomented a revolution in Ukraine that resulted in a Russian invasion, an active insurgency, sham elections and the killing of hundreds of innocent passengers flying on a commercial airliner.

 

Item: He has dispatched CIA agents to fight undeclared and secret wars in Yemen and in Pakistan, and he has dispatched unmanned drones to kill innocents there. He has boasted that some secret reading of public positive law permits him to kill whomever he wishes, even Americans and their children.

 

Item: His State Department has treated Hamas — a gang of ruthless murderers whose stated purpose is the destruction of Israel — as if it were a legitimate state deserving of diplomatic niceties, and this has encouraged Hamas to persist in attacking our only serious ally in the Middle East.

 

Item: His Department of Veterans Affairs has so neglected patients in government hospitals that many of them died, and it even destroyed records to hide its misdeeds. His Internal Revenue Service has enforced the law more heavily against his political opponents than against his friends, and it has destroyed government computer records in order to hide its misdeeds.

 

Item: He has relieved his friends of the burdens of timely compliance with Obamacare, and he has burdened his enemies with tortured interpretations of that law — even interpretations that were rejected by the very Congress that enacted the law and interpretations that were invalidated by the Supreme Court.

 

He has done all these things with a cool indifference, and he has threatened to continue to do so until the pressure builds on his political opponents to see things his way.

The Framers could not have intended a president so devoid of fidelity to the rule of law that it is nearly impossible to distinguish between incompetence and lawlessness — and I am not sure which is worse. Archbishop Fulton Sheen often said he'd prefer to deal with a smart devil than a stupid one.

 

But the Framers did give us a remedy, and the remedy is not a frivolous lawsuit that the federal courts will no doubt reject as a political stunt. The remedy is removal from office. This is not to be undertaken lightly, as was the case when this remedy was last used. But it is the remaining constitutional means to save the freedoms the Constitution was intended to guarantee.

 

The choice is between two more years of government by decree or two years of prosecution. It is a choice the president has imposed upon us all.

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Lord, give us the wisdom to know our necessary path and to recognize when the liberties you gave us are being stolen.  Amen.

 

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Looking For The Moon

This morning, at church, the pastor quoted a Japanese poem.  Of course he didn't give the name which is just as well, since I wouldn't be able to spell it.  There were just two lines and they are so very profound.

"The barn burned down,
Now I can see the moon."

I have not been able to get this out of my mind since I heard it many hours ago.  Through our lifetime, we all will have a barn burn down and, hopefully, only a very few. 



Have you had a 'barn' burn down?  A child that died? Loss of sight?  Cancer?  Devastating circumstances are hard to deal with at the time and hard to get through. 

I'm accepting that the interpretation is that the positive person, the person that accepts God's loving peace, will see that though the barn is gone, the moon is there for you to enjoy the wonderment of life.  This is also giving the answer that I am not that person.  I am still looking to see the moon behind the cloud cover. 

Since Don passed away 26 months ago, and since I don't see the moon, then I realize that I am either not cooperating or I'm just lost.  Surely if I recognize this dilemma I should be able to rectify the problem.  I will introduce this topic at the next support group get together to hope for some insight into what and how others deal with in this question. 

My barn burned down but I'm still wading through the debris.  My goal is to find the reason to look up at the moon.

Lord, I find that I am not fully trusting in your goodness and mercey.  Help me to know where to turn and how to move forward.  Amen.

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My New Discovery!

Yes, I know it's been a while...again.  I'm having difficulty dealing with a couple of things but enough about that.

My dear baby brother, Raymond, was telling me about a cooking show that he and his wife, Jean, watch regularly.  Now, Raymond is the cook in the family but they both watch this show because, so he said, they think it's so entertaining.  I've heard of the program but didn't think it was something this old gal would find worth my time.  Welllllll, did I find out differently.  This TV cooking show is the bomb!

Nadia G's Bitchin Kitchen
That's the name of the show on the Cooking Channel.  I think it's on at 8:30 CT.


Sometimes Nadia is wearing much more makeup than this along with crazy clothes, but she gives a great show and cooks up some delicious looking menus.  She tries to talk and act like a 'bad girl' with some very feminine twists here and there.  She has a crew of some real screwballs that add an extra flavor to the program.

Nadia is a talented chef that has a gimmick that works.  I'm glad Raymond got me to watch just one show because now I'm a fan.  She probably thinks she's targeting the young crowd, and she probably is, but we 'mature' folks get a kick out of her.  On YouTube she gets a little too bawdy for me, but that's a different venue.

Just take a look at this risotto, which I love, and you can see that Nadia's dishes are professional all the way.



So, take a look.  Be sure to watch the whole 30 minutes and go with the flow.  You'll feel good afterward!

Father, give us the patience and understanding we need to realize the potential in others and help us to enjoy the simple things in life.  Amen

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Widow's Christmas

The support group I participate with always stresses the idea that each person grieves in their own way and at their own pace.  I do understand that and I absolutely agree with the theory of the thought and the reality of it, as well.  Many in our group are talking about their loved one that died 4, 6, 9 years ago, and their insight is actually very helpful.

When my Don died in February, 2012, my whole grief process was, practically speaking, put on hold because 3 weeks later I had my second cancer diagnosis.  The next several months were filled with tests, exams, procedures, and doctor's visits along with getting financial issues taken care following Don's passing.  The surgery was in August, followed by 3 more hospitalizations with C-Diff that left me extremely weak and anemic.  All of these 'happenings' actually left me in a daze and I drifted through Christmas.

This year is very different.  This year I'm very aware of that special emptiness that can't be overlooked and there's no way to escape.  I tear up often but it's not really a sad time but very melancholy.  We travelled and lived in many states and a couple places in Germany, so celebrated Christmas in many places and in many ways.  These experiences leave me with many many wonderful memories of our family in various settings which I think about often and with great fondness.



Music seems to be the biggest trigger, but also some movies and just thinking about favorite foods or particular people or places.  Things will just pop into my head and bring about an inner warmth and momentary sadness.  For those that have lost a longtime spouse, that special feeling renews their love, reinforces their purpose, and serves to strengthen.

I desperately miss my Donald but I know he would want me to live life to the fullest.  He was a grounded, loving man with a generous heart and a loyal spirit.  I hope I'm making him proud.

Holy Father, we praise you for sharing your Son with us and for the many blessings you bestow on us throughout our lives.  Amen.

*the top photo is in Garmisch, Germany, at the foot of the German Alps, which was about 90 minutes south of our home in Augsberg.  the lower photo is a typical German Christmas market that is usually in the city square and full of goodies.

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