Widow's Christmas

The support group I participate with always stresses the idea that each person grieves in their own way and at their own pace.  I do understand that and I absolutely agree with the theory of the thought and the reality of it, as well.  Many in our group are talking about their loved one that died 4, 6, 9 years ago, and their insight is actually very helpful.

When my Don died in February, 2012, my whole grief process was, practically speaking, put on hold because 3 weeks later I had my second cancer diagnosis.  The next several months were filled with tests, exams, procedures, and doctor's visits along with getting financial issues taken care following Don's passing.  The surgery was in August, followed by 3 more hospitalizations with C-Diff that left me extremely weak and anemic.  All of these 'happenings' actually left me in a daze and I drifted through Christmas.

This year is very different.  This year I'm very aware of that special emptiness that can't be overlooked and there's no way to escape.  I tear up often but it's not really a sad time but very melancholy.  We travelled and lived in many states and a couple places in Germany, so celebrated Christmas in many places and in many ways.  These experiences leave me with many many wonderful memories of our family in various settings which I think about often and with great fondness.



Music seems to be the biggest trigger, but also some movies and just thinking about favorite foods or particular people or places.  Things will just pop into my head and bring about an inner warmth and momentary sadness.  For those that have lost a longtime spouse, that special feeling renews their love, reinforces their purpose, and serves to strengthen.

I desperately miss my Donald but I know he would want me to live life to the fullest.  He was a grounded, loving man with a generous heart and a loyal spirit.  I hope I'm making him proud.

Holy Father, we praise you for sharing your Son with us and for the many blessings you bestow on us throughout our lives.  Amen.

*the top photo is in Garmisch, Germany, at the foot of the German Alps, which was about 90 minutes south of our home in Augsberg.  the lower photo is a typical German Christmas market that is usually in the city square and full of goodies.

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